What is this shit on my face?

| Potty Mouth |

2008-09-23T03:34:52Z

There is a house in Vallejo and it happens to be filled with some very amazing people. These boys that live there make me laugh and feel like everything is fun and nothing really matters. Cheap beer flows freely there. That house is basically my Junior year at New Tech High but with over 21 year olds. It's my own little fantasy land filled with plenty of retardation & ridiculousness. But maybe, hmm, 3 weeks ago I became too involved. First with my assistant manager at Peet's and later one of his housemates. Alex made me feel absolutely wonderful. He challenged me. He rivaled me in pompousness. We were a little on the flirtatious side. I stayed with him on a Friday night because we both had to open together the next morning and why not car pool? Half way through that very Saturday shift, he became cold toward me. I asked him if he'd like to go back out to Vallejo together after our shift (since I already needed a ride home) and I kick myself for looking too interested. I hate letting people know how much they mean to me because I AM clingy. During that recently passed Friday night though, I had attracted a new friend of sorts. I didn't think much of it until Alex basically left the picture. This new character was sending me text after text through that horribly long weekend to the point my boyfriend became annoyed. After an excruciatingly long day that had taken its toll on me emotionally, I took Matt (said new friend) up on his new found interest and went on a pretend-a-date with him. That was even more amazing than the drunken fun I had with Alex. We hit up park in Vallejo and later a bench with a view of the bay. After the pretend-a-date, I had him come get me around noon on that coming Wednesday in Napa & take me out to Vallejo to spend a lazy afternoon of colouring together. But shortly after that, he too became distant. Right now I sit here, feeling dumped by two different guys within a week of each other. I've never been on this side of the coin-- it's devastating. I can't think about anything else for very long. Life is mundane. I take comfort in the sack I've been slowly going threw this month. I wear different masks for different people. But I feel as though my life is ticking forward which is good. I look much more adult and beautiful with my new hair style, I've learned how to drive a car (automatic AND stick). But I still want to say fuck you to Matt, grab my crayons out of his desk, and drive off into the sunset which is on my way to a new life in San Diego.

| Goodnight and thank you Senor Jabon |

2008-06-04T21:20:02Z

I am Santa Cruz

oh mee gosh. I'm so elegant

I am a dinosaur!

I fell off the squiggle last night and pulled Mark down with me. If you look at that first picture, you can see some of the scrapes on my hand. teeheehee

I've been very spontaneous lately. It's been great. I can't get enough of Evita. I found my salvation in Peron, may the nation!

I'm moving in with him! :D

Ho Hum

2008-02-07T20:28:34Z

My smoking days are over. I'm not having nicotine withdrawals thanks to that cute little patch which is now on the lower half of my arm because you have to apply a new patch to a different spot every day. I just miss smoking. The idea of never opening up a pack, holding a cigarette in my mouth while I finish up something ... never lighting up ever again ... The taste! Ooohhhh. This is hard.

| What Happens Now? |

2007-12-03T07:31:54Z

Do you ever love the way your body feels when you're hungry? How about when you go to eat and your choice is something as simple as rice and beans? So simple yet they sustain me and make me feel so much better than any other diet undergone. I don't feel sluggish anymore. Rice, beans, lentils, greens, and a lot of water. I saw my reflection today in a window. Me in a flowing skirt, a curve hugging tank top even though the temperature was low, a simple necklace with a black cord and a silver coloured narrow rectangle that has random green splotches, and my flowing red hair. I'm was shocked by what I saw. I looked (and I hate to use this word with regard to myself) beautiful. Like a princess that champions simplicity and posses a stunning natural beauty. I understand why people watch me when I'm on the bar at work. I understand why girls on the bus stare at me. I understand why the boys are so much more present now. I used to think people looked at me with so much interest because I must be hideous, overweight, and out of style. No. I'm different. I don't just look like a college bitch, strapped into my iPod at all times, and so un-a-fucking-ware.

I've moved on from my first Desaultes brother onto his older brother Brian. It's been fun. I find I actually miss him right now. I missed Yukio today to an extreme I hadn't experienced in many months and I know it's because my living situation is explosive right now. I just really want comfort. I want to lay in my bed, under the covers, making spoons, and having someone I trust tell me it's okay Joselyn, you're not going to get royally fucked. Dana flipped out at me late Friday night when I had Brian over. The insults she hurled at me do not need to be repeated but let me say they were very ridiculous. So eventually, when she wouldn't get out from up in my face (or leave me alone for that matter), I pushed her back. Needless to say, she tattled and said I attacked her. So now I sit and wait and wonder when the RA will actually get back to me since it's so late in the quarter. The waiting and tension really, really, blows. I hate that this girl has had it in for me -- especially since the most dialouge we've ever shared was on Friday when she was berating me with insults. I don't want drama. I'm in such a groove right now. I'm pleased with myself and my decisions, and ever day I spend is a good one. *sigh* Only 11 days until I come home to Napa.

Heh. This music reminds me of Brian. It's funny that we heard maybe the same 4 songs the entire time we were driving late Friday/early Saturday. I sometimes hate that I'm not zero tolerance anymore. It seems like my good nights always end with cross faded adventures on West Cliff to see the ocean and sing along to Sublime when (and if) it comes on the radio. Heh. Brian got bitched out at work for getting me high as a kite on his lunch break. The reprimand was playful though. I used to view my life as being separated into two different words themselves: 1) Napa 2) Santa Cruz. Now Santa Cruz has a subdivision -- Brian.

| Delux |

2007-11-21T20:15:07Z

So why was it that I disliked Santa Cruz the whole month of October? It all changed one night when I was taking the bus home from work and the bus announced, "Bay and High (UCSC entrance)". I realized that I have nothing to be nostalgic over or lament. I'm in college and doing a fine job at that. I'm living what people dream about. My nights have been less booze filled but at the same time I've had a great time the times when my nights have been spent drunk. We had our first party in the apartment two weekends ago. I'm 19 now. I have a great lover with amazing parents. Ron is taking Yuk & I to Evita on Sunday. Ahhhhh. Thanksgiving break. I'm so stoked. I wish I didn't have class or work tonight. On the bright side? All my SoCal flatmates have left already so I'm smoking all I want in the apartment. Great success!

Oh my god. Jimi. I feel so cliche when I profess my love of every and any song his vocals are on but it's true. He's sexy. He's the sixties. He's liberation and freedom. He's a high. He's better when high.

So this one time I thought one of my Scott's Valley Peetniks was incredibly cute. I wanted him but I couldn't have him because I am obviously not single. So I was my fucking self and he fell into my little web. Talk about incredibly awesome for me but what do I do now? I'm in this situation ... again. He knows about Yukio though. His brother told him. Maybe Mark left out the detail I've been long term almost two years? I'm just going to go with it. And Sean fell into the web too. My fucking God. This one little girl is going to cause so much fuss at Peet's. I guess I never stopped being that big fish in a small pond. And to think! I get all of this without ever putting on a stroke of makeup, being slightly pudgy, and completely myself. I guess I am that awesome. Maybe that's why I have completely ruined 3 different people at different times. Heh. Their fault. Not mine. Shit! I sometimes even get the ladies!

| Vaca |

2007-11-07T19:18:54Z

Is it weird to become excited because I saw on my myspace that there's only under three months until Yukio and my two year anniversary? Is it stupid that this weekend I told him next school year I want to live with him? Maybe it's innapropriate that I haddn't felt such heart wrenching rejection for years when he told me Santa Cruz wasn't for him. Before I was able to show emotion, he added he'd think about it though. Then I said something I never would have two years ago (or even one year for that matter). I'll consider living in San Jose with you and just getting my drivers license so I can go to class in Santa Cruz still. And transfer to a San Jose Peet's. Woah. There was a point in time where I would have considered leaving Yukio for certain other people. Now I can't imagine annnnybody I'd rather be with. I think I may be too much in love with my best friend

| Splooge |

2007-10-30T20:44:45Z

Why is it that rum smells like what I feel alcohol should smell like but I don't like it? I have a good 2 -3 shots left in this bottle of Bacardi but I can't bring myself to drink even one. The scent makes me just ewwww. Fuck rum. Tonight, James & I drink 40z.

HIM:

Btw: I stole that sweater for a good month

Anyway... Shit is basically back on track. I found out I'm earning B's in all my classes which comforts me a great deal. It's sad, but B's are my goal and so far I haven't gotten anything lower. The only thing I'm a little pissy about is how much money I've spent this October. I mean, I'm still a lot richer than I've ever been in my entire life but ugh. Santa Cruz doesn't piss me off (basically is what I'm getting at) as it has been doing. Like, from about October 15th until this weekend, Santa Cruz was making me want to abandon everything I know. Just fucking skip town. But really, I wouldn't accept ANYTHING in exchange for me to go back in time. Here is now and here is fucking good.

How is it I can so easily jump from being so low to being on top of the fucking world. Granted I had to have Andrew Peasley spell it out for me that he's not unhappy with me, but nothing much else is different. I just have super confidence again. I guess it's all mind over matter. I'm going to be Mark (coworker) for Halloween on account of the fact I have to go to work Wednesday. Oh! I think I'll go home again this weekend. Napa has been absolutely deeeelish since I left for college. I saw Paddy-Poo (of Napa Peet's) Saturday. He was absolutely adorable. He still has the thing I drew him on his locker. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he likes me as much as I like him. Oh, you'd have to see him around me to get it.

| The Perfect Shot |

2007-10-25T06:58:18Z

Smoke or Fire reminds me of Yukio and when we first got together. While that time of my life was rocky and overwhelming, I still like thinking of our beginning. I like pausing to think of how we overcame the odds brought on by my confused love of Biggs, my growing addiction to casual sex, and my love of alcohol. Maybe he was a rebound -- subconsciously -- but here we are, almost two years later. Next fall I want to take six months off from school and move out of California with him just to work and live together. I don't know how much more college I can take. I have a strong love/hate relationship with Santa Cruz right now. Living in the bubble which is UCSC can just be paralyzing at times. I need to break free of it for just a little while longer than the three months I get off for summer.

This weekend is going to be the best. James will probably take me over the hill. I can't wait to carve pumpkins. Or see Yuk boot. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

| I'll Kill You |

2007-10-20T23:23:25Z

If I could, I would bomb Santa Cruz so everyone I've met since moving here would be dead. I want to get out of here. I'm disillusioned with the friends I've met here and I've hit a point at my job where I'm frustrated with management and don't want to really work anymore. It's like everyone here in Santa Cruz has some character flaw that makes me want to strangle them. James, Andrew Peasley, the girls in my apartment... Don't let me forget that I'd like to beat the shit out of Andrew Biggs who is being his shitty ass self again. Again with the I love you's and then the fuck off's. I should never, ever, never listen to his sorry ass ever again. "I love you. I'm sorry we got so fucked. Maybe that wasn't supposed to happen..." degraded into him saying "fuckz offz" after I texted him with the lyric, "get your kicks on route 66." Yeaaaaaah

Thursday I got too high from a cookie Mr. Peasley gave me. I saw music and was paranoid that I would poop myself. That's probably the most exciting thing that happened over the week. Well, except I probably passed my midterm and stopped drinking alcohol on a school night. Yukio was here for a cocktail party last night. We were both dressed for the occasion.

That was fun.

I saw the Porter crowd I always kicked it with last year. Gen! And when the party got rolled, I hid in a room with someone I've very uncomfortable around. His name is Keith. Some of you know the significance of that.

I'm one month in to my classes. Only a little over one more to go.

EDIT:

| Stomach |

2007-10-08T05:05:37Z

My personality is one of addiction. I get addicted to Santa Cruz and I don't want to leave for summer and then I go and get addicted to Napa and cry like a little girl when I have to come face to face with the fact I must leave my Napa Peet's employees, Yukio, my family, and familiarity for what I had no idea about. Anyway, I've become addicted to cigarettes, I'm slightly alcoholic again, I can't have a group of friends I spend equal time with because I just latch on to one for excessive periods and then move on.

So that is me to me. I'm successful at my job because I'm addicted to the social contact and feeling of importance I get from being the Barista or the girl everyone turns to because I know all about coffee and tea. I'm successful in school because I love being looked upon as someone of importance. But that just reflects how important others opinions are. I lament the evenings I spend substance free because that means I wasn't invited by someone to get messed up. I've only spent THREE days substance free since move in day back around September 23rd. The recent let down of Andrew Peasley is tormenting me.

He shouldn't have that power over me. He was so into me as of last Thursday. He showed the signs of a boy into me like woah and then when he didn't get into my pants, the attraction changed. He was still somewhat flirty during the week but when we finally went on our tea quest, he brought with him a friend and almost ignored me. I'm confused. I feel emptied by the ordeal. I hate that I care.

| Natty Shermans |

2007-09-30T19:44:19Z

So I'm all moved in to my new apartment on campus. It's spacious, clean, and slowly being given homey touches. We covered the bathroom area in glow-in-the-dark stars. Heehee. My roommate and I are doing really, really, well. I didn't imagine he'd hit it off so well but I'm glad I decided to invite her to see Against Me! on our first evening together. Her name is Brigitte & she's girly but not really and accepting of everything I like. She says I'm super chill. Last night she did my make up and gave me clothes to wear so when we went to MY FIRST KEGGER I didn't look like the dirty lazy girl I normally am. And everyone else was dressed up too.

On the other hand, one flatmate already hates me. Dana thinks I'm weird. It's because I don't embody southern California like she does. She's immature and ignores me. Eh, I didn't want to be friends with a whore anyway (-; My other flatmate, Nora, is really go with the flow. We're on good terms.

So I have my first day of work today. I'm covering for Jon. I'll get to see my lover Mark. Speaking of lovers (but not really), I finally got to have Andrew Peasley. We made spoons and he's more built than I thought. I'm completely gaga over him. I'm worried about where our friendship stands though. He stopped being cuddly or even friendly when he woke up and then he didn't answer the text I sent him when over summer he called and texted a ton!

Whatever, back to wonderful fantasy.

Really?

2007-08-23T22:28:34Z

So -- no lies. I used to think that when Andrew finally got a girlfriend, I'd be crushed. I used to think that that would be the final nail in the coffin. Like, no hope for us for at least a year or more. His and my original desire to be happy together for years would be ultimately abandoned forever. I assumed I'd be way too depressed to do anything except weep and mourn the complete loss of my first lover. That means call in sick to work, not see Yuki, nothing. Well, it didn't happen like that at all. I found out from him that he has a gurlie in Placerville (about 2 hrs from Napa) because he broke his silent treatment yesterday. I didn't feel sad, hurt, crushed, or much of anything. It was just like, "That's nice. Do you think that means you're going to be over the hating me thing?"

Did I grow up a little bit since then so I'm not jealous? Did I just surpress any feelings for him to protect myself? Am I completely dedicated to my loving relationship with Yukio? Could it be I genuinely don't want to be with him? I actually had a great day yesterday, minus the walking to work in the heat. I couldn't keep my mind off him after we talked yesterday. But it wasn't in the way you'd think. I just dwelled on him, the past, the future. There was no anger, jealousy, or plots to steal him away from her. I mainly thought on how much I'd love to see him but how I'll keep that to myself for a while so that he doesn't think I'm annoying. She really didn't matter to me. She's just, eh, a girl. Maybe I have faith that no girl can have his entire heart ever again or maybe I have a feeling it wont work out that great for them because they have such distance in between without that foundation like Yuk and I have and that's what kept me in love with him for 9 months apart. One thing I have learned since he and I dated that nothing is forever. A year doesn't last as long as you'd think. Our time not dating is just a speck on the life I've lived so far. And I've seen that time doesn't keep him and I apart. Even if he and I are enamored with different people now, our inability to have a falling out proves our incredibly deep connection. Sometimes I find myself being a romantic and fantasizing on how that means something.

Anyway, my feelings are rather mixed but for once dwelling on them doesn't make me depressed. I just kind of miss my Yuki because he's in Canada. Hmmmm. More to come?

Urination question

2007-08-22T02:35:23Z

Last week, at Peet's, we changed the stupid music from its classical loop to someones Beatles mp3s and it was much better. One of my shift leads, Patrick, is my dream man only I haven't told him yet. He wants to be a cook, you know, and he's the perfect kind of cute for me that most people would say is not attractice. Like, overweight but with the pudge in all the right places and bloo eyes. I think he's engaged and I think I'm in love. Hahaha. Pity? He likes my sharp tongue but he also likes my girl qualities that sometimes render me helpless.

Today I have the day off. It was probably a very productive day. Previously, I was carrying around 1,300 dollars in checks and cash in a ratty little pastry bag since summer began. I payed some bills via online bill pay courtesy of BofA. I'm probably a bad kid because I live with my boyfriend when my parents door is never closed to me. My period is around two weeks late but the pregnancy test I took said I'm okay. Either I'm iron deficient or stressed. I'm going with both. Did that really relate to being a bad kid? I don't think I'm being coherent. Shit, I'm constantly stressed about something -- even if I don't let on to anyone I am. Something always is off. I wish I knew what caused that. Today was also take care of biz day. Mucho money involved. Am I 40 or something? Having to constantly give myself to the almighty dollar? Damnit. Most of my iTunes tunes are laced with memories. Fuck the 707.

Being in my house is nostalgic. Yuks will be in Canada from Thursday until Monday (?) so I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do during the absence. Probably get around to seeing all those people I've neglected out of lazy. I should begin preparation now. Oh how I love eating ... mmmmm .... That's nice about being at home. All this cooked food!

If I could only explain my highs on this thing too like I want to. It would give the reader a much more rounded portrait of me. 90% of my shit is perfect. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. All of you who once wronged me. Oh! I ate at the Buttercream Diner yesterday. Yay.

Is It Stinky?

2007-07-24T19:02:32Z

My subject just refers to my stinky nose ring. It's lame. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've spent two nights sleeping at my parents house since coming home to Napa. I guess you can say I moved in to the Rattai home. Since then, Naomi and Ron divorced. Yukio and I waited in the car while they got it notarized and then we went to lunch. The whole thing was really weird to me but no one else found it out of place or odd.

Ooh, last night Yukio and I were picking up a pizza and then we finally saw kid's practicing Shotokan. We both had to hold back giggles because everyone in the building was young and Mexican. A little girl had a higher belt than my ex. He does quite a few things Yuki and I find laughable. We're not bad people for that.

Besides that, I went to San Diego the 13th through late 15th. Yukio and I hit up the zoo. The zoo is super rad. We stayed in a four star Hilton in the Gasplamp for half price because we used priceline.com. Thank you William Shatner. He inspired both of us to be negotiators. Downtown San Diego is a little too club oriented though. Not my scene.

I don't know what my scene really is, truth be told. I don't really like doing much but cuddling, sleeping, loving, and laying around uselessly. I want to do that forever. Sorry if I've neglected you this summer.

I Feel Funny

2007-06-22T00:35:31Z

So I'm outside with a laptop (it isn't my own) as Yukio naps. I kind of haven't slept at home yet since I came home from Santa Cruz a week ago. I'm a dirty bum. Peet's hasn't worked out my stuff yet so I've gotten to the point I'm rather indifferent. I need to work but I don't really give a fuck. I've got a good sum of money so I'd probably only need to work one month to make me financially ready for next quarter. Spring quarter treated me surprisingly well. Between working two jobs, carrying 15 units, and discovering how much fun going to parties can be, I still got two B's and a Pass. It lowered my GPA. I think that's a little ridiculous. I laugh now.

Today is the first day of summer. It feels perfect too. If only I wasn't out of cigarettes and dependent on a man to drive me around. So I'll just continue playing Donkey Kong Country 2. It's not as cool as DK 1. I'm a hungry girl. A Happy girl. An incredibly cute girl. I feel absolutely excellent.

Jesus Christ What's Up?

2007-05-26T16:57:06Z

So what the hell do I do all day? That's a good question. I work, basically, 5 days out of the week and go to class the other two. Consequentially, I'm never around and when I use the internet, I'm generally 100 percent out of it. But today is one of the those rare days where I am not in fact busy or in Napa! I go in to Peet's at noon and work until six. Good deal. I love the midshift. It's good I don't work mornings on the weekend because I woke up today at 7:30, in James' bed, and rather hung over. We were up until 4 fucking around and doing God knows what. He's my nig. I don't think I've ever written about him before. And no, I don't mean fucking as in sex, I mean doing ridiculous things like dropping empty 40s off the fifth floor of Porter B.

Time flies when you're having fun. And I guess that is exactly what I'm doing. I'm working my ass off, taking names and kicking ass as far as classes go, and drinking my fill while being a smoking fiend (cigs, butt fuck). I kind of heart college -- don't shoot me. My finals are on June 11th & June 13th. I'm trying to get SV Peet's to transfer me to Napes Peet's by June 15th because that is my mothers birthday! Hurray. I'm missing my lovers high school graduation. I feel kind of bad about that. Like, a tremendous amount. But if I miss WRIT02 a third time in one quarter, I fail. Bullshit, right?

Hmm. On the bright side, I'm 10 pounds away from my goal weight of 130. Do the math if you really want to figure out how much I weigh. Just remember, I've dropped 45 pounds from my starting weight of 185. Good deal. ALSO. My flame of a friend Andrea will be in Portland this summer. Actually I think she'll be in Portland right around when I plan on going to see Incubus. She is a douchebag. But I am obliged to see her instead. Dude, she's from Chicago.

On any other note, here are some pictures from La Strada dell Arte (an Italian street painting festival)

Such Bad Juju.

2007-03-03T04:14:07Z

Last night I decided he may be the one. Three in the morning and laughing like fools, it sunk it that this might possibly work. And not in the silly kid sense, but in the way of he and I as adults. I also had the thought while riding on the bus one dark and dismal day that my there is absolutely nothing that I cannot conquer. I'm young, beautiful, smart, and have my whole life in front of me. I'm going to study abroad in Costa Rica my junior year and I'm going to graduate from here with a respected degree. The whole world is in envy of me because my name is Joselyn Perez.

Today I had a job interview for Peet's Coffee. I made it to round two but I don't have a good feel for whether or not I have the job. I told them I'm available from 25 - 40 hours a week. My mom is afraid I'm going to bite off more than I can chew but I have no doubts in my ability to conquer. I did eat too much today and I feel like a balloon but it was worth it. The dining halls all had amazing food for once and Porter even made me a Pina Colada shake. I want to sip one of those with Yukio one day when we're older. I have high hopes.

But since I have not posted any pictures in far too long, the rest of this post will be more of one that is a photoblog.

Begin continuous feed

Quite possibly the second love of my life. Only problem? I know it would take him longer to come from Napato Santa Cruz than the one I've already got.

The boys playing a bit of football when Adam was home from the air force.

Our team

Victorious

Me, cuddled, by my big black dog

Awaking the beast for a romance filled adventure

While he did look ungrateful, he took me to Cuvee for dinner in celebration of Valentine's day and the like

Yukio the artist captures me in lover's downtown Napa

I've always thought of him kind of fruity

Not the best of the bunch but nonetheless a photo

I had filthy hair that day AND Canadian cigarettes

My makeshift Pikachu.

Rose & I in our stenciled delights.

Radiation.

2007-02-02T01:19:14Z

Batman. That's right ... batman!

Today I took the 13 down to our local Social Security bureau. Of course I need a Social Security card to begin work here on campus. I couldn't need a copy of my birth certificate or my California ID because that would be too easy (.I know where those are.). My very competent mother once told me as a child that I couldn't hold on to my official documents because I'd loose them ... so she just lost them for me. Very nice of her, agreed? But according to my economics professor & most of the philosophers in the world, "there's no use crying over spilled milk." BTW, I have a quiz in philosophy tomorrow ...

My tongue craves Chinese food. And home. Home is nice. I'll be there in 24 hours. While I'm at home, I want to buy new hair dye and some new clothes. Girls love to shop. It's highly therapeutic. I want to be showered with gifts too. Is receiving a gift therapeutic? Maybe the crab feed I'm going to for free is gift enough? I really do like eating crab. Bah humbug. Too much to ponder. Maybe I should just get going and do all of the remaining work which is do tomorrow.

Curse you satan box!

Toyland.

2007-01-31T02:50:45Z

FUCKED. I fucked up my econ middy. But did I tell you I know how to play mahjong? There's still the second midterm, final, and homework to balance it out. Cartright!

I'm going home to Napes for the weekend. I'm not as confident and as sure as I need to be to survive here. I had a breakdown on Sunday. It could have been due to the fact I had the flu all last week and saw no one. Tears all down my face ... desolation. At least I haven't turned to any of the old vices. Or a new ...

I've been hired for a P-time job here on campus up in the College Eight Cafe and at my interview on Monday at Hollywood video, the boy flirted with me. That's a good sign, right? Liz gave me all the professional clothes I needed. I looked hot. At least the job at H-video would give me free rentals & maybe help me make friends. My interviewer/store director has good taste -- except the whole teasing me because I said rad when we were just talking about movies.

Jesus christ. I've given myself an eating disorder.

Dancing Around the Truth.

2007-01-16T23:44:36Z

I have a few things to do today but all in good time, brohat. I'm going to see Of Montreal on the 31st this month with Rose & Co. That's zero-cool. I'm really contemplating the Anti-Flag show (for Sarah R. and her crew) in March and the NOFX show in Feb if money proves to not be a problem. Going out places isn't so bad once you try it. Kind of like my debit card ... hahaha ... I have found out that I don't really dig cash as much as I thought I did.

Oooh Snap. 64/69 on my Econ homeworks as of 01.16. Everything, so far, has been falling in place to make me feel really confident. What the hell was I so afraid of last year? That statement isn't entirely true -- I do know. Meditating has given me clarity and I know that to guard myself from the prospect of useless suffering, I need to avoid attachment. Compassion is encouraged by Buddhists but attachment leads to suffering. I want to take a deep breath. I feel like I can breath.

As of late, I've been really enjoying the whole driving idea. I've learned how to start with a manual transmission and it's kind of fun. Do you think they're going to make a cheap hybrid sports car soon? ;-)